Friday, May 31, 2013

You know you’re a Jhabierite when….


1. You checked your stu-mail/Notice Board more habitually than you breathed or blinked
2. You could login to AIS even in your sleep
3. You found it easier to sleep right under the prof’s nose than in your room
4. You slept through all of the CEO talks (read: mass sleep-athons) and couldnt care less if the speaker performed a blindfolded back-somersault while simultaneously balancing a marble on his nose
5. You perfected the art of nodding off while standing during a presentation
6. You had your stumail,gmail,AIS,printer,IM,twitter passwords at your fingertips but still somehow managed to forget your girlfriend’s birthday everytime
7. You were addressed as someone from ‘XLRI Bhubaneswar’ on your train journey back home & you resisted the urge to rip his tonsils right off
8. You sulked about the prettiest faces on campus always being in the other section, the senior batch or in a different programme altogether
9. You had more visitors to your room from the amphibian family than from MTR/RMH
10. You regard your MBA education not as an investment but as a ‘sunk cost’
11. You agree that a course such as COMA could not have been more aptly named
12. You cant remember the last time you had breakfast in the mess
13. Your basic food groups were: 1.Beer 2.Caffeine 3. Masala Thums-up 4. Maggi 5. Pizza 6. Some more beer
14. You felt like you were cheating on Country Kitchen on the rare days you had dinner in the mess
15. You flashed your college ID at a restaurant manager’s face seeking a discount but ended up having it shoved down your gullet instead
16. You knew that even if the world were to end, there would still always be X-Café & Walmart
17. You got away with saying ‘yes sir’, ‘present sir’, ‘yes sir’ back to back during attendance
18. You have actually seen GOD and even had HIM call out your name during attendance
19. You knew that a ‘Bring your laptops to class today’ notice actually meant ‘look buggers, I’m in no mood to teach today, so why don’t you just do your stuff & let me do mine’
20. The 4 P’s you live by stand for Pessimism, Procrastination, (Bi)Polarism & Plagiarism
21. Your business awareness levels paled in comparison to your blood-alcohol levels
22. You found a newspaper’s obituary section more interesting than the business page
23. You were more willing to swallow a sword laced with cobra poison and have your body crevices pierced with red hot iron rods rather than attend that last remaining lecture of the day
24. You envied the strays outside the main gate for having a better social life than you
25. You feel like killing a baby everytime you come across the word ‘Mandatory’
26. You acknowledge that the wheel is not the most important human invention, Google is
27. You couldn’t thank Xerox enough the night just before your exams
28. You can type 316 words a minute but struggle to read your own handwriting
29. You show how it’s possible to be illegible even on MS word & MS excel
30. You wasted your time partaking in compelling cinema such as Gunda, Chandaal & Jallaad on X-Sys when you could have done something worthwhile like harvesting dried kharbooja seeds or adopting a maroon monkey for your farm in FarmVille
31. You count Crazy Taxi, Bouncing Balls & Throw the mummy among your favourite sports, (and not X-cricket)
32. Facebook is not just a site for you, it’s a way of life
33. You went to the library to socialize (read: check out the cute chick ) or to have yourself clicked with books so that you could put them up on FB/Orkut for your parents to see & feel all reassured & happy
34. You said “Arre pata, usne apna marriage proposal CONVERT kar liya”
35. You know a HR professional when you see (and hear) one
36. 7 am lectures were a myth, and attending them, a crime
37. 5 pm was your idea of a perfect morning
38. You can peacefully sleep through earthquakes, meteorite showers, alien invasions & of course, JLT’s
39. Your next door neighbour (who lived within 30 cms of you) sent you an email asking you NOT to wake him up the following morning
40. You set your mobile phone alarm for the 9 am lecture, then reset it for the 2pm lecture, and then again reset it to 5pm for the snacks, and eventually went on to miss dinner
41. You didn’t remember what sunlight looked like, and often confused sunrises with sunsets (also males with females)
42. X-pressions was the only time you were active & that too because you got to check out the chicks from other colleges & then tut-tut about how rotten your luck was
43. Terms such as ‘pataka, hot chick, garma garam item’ inadvertently brings to mind the image of a girl perspiring & burning in the Bhubaneswar heat
44. You abused the term ‘it depends’ to such proportions that Oxford just stopped short of filing a case of harassment against the institute
45. You called upon X-Sys to complain that you were unable to access Facebook, only to realize that typing www.facebook.com in notepad gets you nowhere
46. The dosa they served in the mess was the worst dosa in the world but you still got up every Sunday morning at 9 am to line up in the queue
47. You thought breaking into Fort Knox was a cakewalk compared to MTR
48. You took a bath everytime there was a solar eclipse
49. The last time you did your laundry, Halley’s Comet had made an appearance
50. Almost all your t-shirts are from X-pressions, Alumni or game/interest committees
51. The only time you had given your superhero costume (read: business suit) for drycleaning was before you got here
52. Your saw your entire life flash before your eyes as soon you were handed your valuation end-term question paper
53. You needed SPSS to convince you that your bakar time is inversely related to your QPI
54. There was nothing surprising about Surprise quizzes anymore
55. You mulled over taking the CFA exam without even knowing what CFA stood for
56. You took up the ‘fight against deadlines’ cause with pretty much the same zeal with which Bollywood stars take up the ‘fight against Polio’ cause
57. You used font size 32 for your assignments as a desperate ruse to get to the minimum 10 page limit
58. You used font size=Amoeba??? for your last minute scribblings on your exam paper
59. You resorted to the good old ‘Cntrl C-Cntrl V’ for your Business Ethics term paper titled “Plagiarism- a social malady”
60. You finished two whole seasons of LOST/FRIENDS in 2 days flat just before your end terms kicked in and then proceeded to finish three more seasons while they were on
61. You promised yourself you’d start preparing for placements tomorrow, but that tomorrow somehow never arrived
62. CQPI was just another four letter word
63. You can quote dialogues from any of IMDB’s top 250 movies
64. Conniving with your friends during exams is what you called Group Dynamics, not cheating
65. You could quote Kotler at the drop of a hat but couldn’t remember your postal address
66. You attended batchmeets religiously but never bothered to turn up at Alumni talks
67. You often discussed Pizza Hut’s core competency/product differentiation vis-à-vis Smokin’ Joe’s
68. You subconsciously started addressing your elder brother as ‘bhaina’
69. You tell your dad you’re taking the dog out for a X-walk
70. You start writing executive summaries for your tweets, SMSes, status messages..everything
71. You can prepare a 40 page dossier replete with all the MBA jargons in the book to arrive at the conclusion that inanimate objects do not need air/oxygen to survive and are therefore non-living
72. You can beat any Tom, Dick, Harry, Yadav, Patel, Sharma, Singh, Khan, Thirunakarasumaiyalamma at the fine art of pfaffing
73. You refrain from using the word ‘bhakti’ in spiritually stimulated discussions & at family pujas
74. You gave Maxinations more consideration than your sister’s wedding
75. You have the attention span of an armless monkey with a major flea problem
76. You would happily give your right arm away for a JLT
77. You get turned on everytime you see a chain mail
78. You dont find prison jokes funny anymore
79. Masochism has become as much a part of your social fabric as say human sacrifice to the Aztec culture
80. Messrs. Levin & Rubin seemed as grotesque manifestations of Jack the Ripper & Hannibal Lecter
81. You swore that had Gandhi studied here, he would have killed more Jews than Hitler
82. The admin & acads screwed you so bad you contemplated taking a pregnancy test
83. You likened Gladi, Kuruk, Skill & Helios to Al-Qaeda, Taliban, Lashkar-e-Taiba & Harkat-ul-Mujahideen respectively
84. You equated balancing your acads, responsibilities & personal life to a tightrope walk on a cord made from burning charcoal while balancing a family member on the head and at the same time have Sunny & Bobby Deol dancing to Kajraare on either ends of the rope
85. You were socked in the face with the realization that 90 mins was actually 5400 seconds of raw, unmitigated torture eventually leading to death
86. You believe in reincarnations (having died multiple deaths yourself during the course of a single lecture)
87. S.O.B means more than just a slur to you
88. Khajoor isn’t exactly your favourite fruit
89. You sniggered everytime you heard one of those CEOs or recruiters say “you are the crème-de-la-crème..the top 1%..the future leaders of the country..blah blah”
90. You crack up everytime you hear the words ‘MBA’ & ‘value-add’ in the same sentence
91. During placement week, the only company you cared about was ‘female company’
92. During Convocation, you realized you had forgotten almost everything you had learnt at school, were left with the engineering skills of a brick & only had this degree to show for your efforts
93. You realize that the only thing more difficult than getting into XIMB is getting out of XIMB
*The End and Flush*

-------Adapted from the blog post of Soorma Bhokali.

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This Blog is meant purely as a personal diary of a rural manager in making. It exists to record information, experiences and opinions about various issues encountered in the line of duty. Any person, institution and organization mentioned here doesn't assume any liability for its contents. This is not a deliberate attempt to defame anyone. And if you have actually read all that is written in the blog and aren't mad at me, then thanks for your time and patience !

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